on being michael brown jr.

November 30, 2014
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one white cop.

one young black man.

one with a gun.

one with his fists.

Darren Wilson.

Michael Brown, Jr.


In the shortened version of this story, the white cop did not sustain enough damage to justify killing an unarmed black man.  If he looked like Rodney King or Reginald Denny, I would be able to understand his shooting this young man to protect himself from being beaten to death. Looking at the pictures that were taken of him at “hospital”, left me shaking my head in wonder.

In the long, drawn out version told to the alleged Grand Jury, this officer feared for his life at the hands of a big, black teenager. There’s a possibility that this young man generally used his substantial size to bully and coerce others into doing his bidding. His parents said he was a gentle giant, but the video of him picking on the smaller adult in the store he took the cigarillos from, you can extrapolate that this young man did know he was big and burly and could get what he wanted by using his size to do so.

By the way, the cop was well-coached by his lawyers. He had to tell his story as straight-faced, unemotional and neutral-voiced as possible in order to be credible, even if he was lying through his teeth.

In the next version (mine), you have to wonder if the white cop was thinking with his primal brain when he kept pulling the trigger because Brown Jr. just wouldn’t stop coming and Wilson knew that if he just kept shooting, he could make this big-ass bear-child stop walking towards him with murder in his eyes. In my version, the question arises “was Wilson afraid or was he playing target practice with this young man?” In my version, I would also include the question of why Wilson couldn’t take a couple of punches from this unarmed black man and if he did take  couple of punches, why isn’t he walking around with at least one black eye, some knuckle-shaped purple-black bruises, a broken or dislocated jaw or a thoroughly damaged ear? If he was afraid for his life, does that mean that the slaps he probably got from Brown did, at least, dislocate his jaw? To me, that much damage might justify this officer shooting this unarmed black man to death.

The pictures I’ve seen of Wilson, there’s not enough facial damage done to warrant shooting Brown to death. The grand jury should have found probable cause to indict, based on the evidence. There should also be questions as to why Wilson was “walking” shots up this young man’s body. Was it target-practice? A well-placed couple of shots to the knees or femur would have gone a long way towards putting this young man down and preserving his life, extra “witnesses” be damned.

The question this so-called Grand Jury didn’t ask: why didn’t Wilson shoot to disable (a knee cap, femur or ankle) instead of taking the life? Was he thinking with his primal brain (kill the threat/or run like hell) or with his logical brain (play target practice on the n-word and make him suffer).

It appears to me that cops are no longer attempting to disable or maim, they are killing young black men, even if the circumstances don’t warrant it. They are not being trained to recognize when the primal brain is trying to take over to end a confrontation at all costs, instead of the logical brain which would calculate where to put a bullet to stop or slow further mayhem from happening. I would rather see an alive human being, missing an arm or leg rather than see a human being lying in the street unarmed and dead.

Some time in the not too-distant future, we’re going to find out that the 3 black jurors probably caved in to the 9 white jurors. Blacks here in MO are notoriously afraid of white people for absolutely no good reason. The blacks here keep giving whites some sort of power over what they say and do and always seem to be acquiescing to them, even to the detriment of their own opinions, ideas and lifestyles.

I think it’s way past time for black people to “stand their ground” and demand to be treated and given the same privileges as the white people in Missouri currently enjoy. There is economic opportunity everywhere in this state if everyone would realize the only color that matters is the color of your money.

It’s time for Black folks to stop ”stepping off the sidewalk” and “getting out of the way” and to demand respect, fair treatment and equal rights from whites in Missouri.

A leader is needed who’ll tell it like it is and confront the issues that are holding race relations in the state of Missouri hostage.

Black people here are living and working as if it is still the 1950s and Jim Crow is alive and well. The only place it’s okay to sit up front is on the bus or the MetroLink and only in a seat by yourself, because a white person will not sit next to you.

Missouri needs a governor who is not suffering from “tunnel” vision when it comes to what is really going on among both groups of his constituents. Missouri needs politicians who are aware and not afraid to confront and speak about what is holding this state and its’ people back from becoming an important player in the world market.

Missouri really needs to stop trying to keep the world off its’ doorstep and allow real progress to be had both in education, economics and racial equality, access to information and genuine communication. If MO wants to be a player in the world market, its’ leaders need to stop controlling “outsiders” access to creating businesses and come up with a plan to properly educate all  of its’ citizens.

MO needs a leader that is willing to welcome business ventures from outside the state that would help the state to grow and truly enter the 21st century global market.  It needs to have leaders who are non-exclusive in who they will deal with or communicate with in this current global environment.

When will MO become “the state that’s too busy to hate”

and invite the world to its’ front door?

on being afraid and the end of white privilege

July 5, 2014
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Most black people I’ve met here in STL are afraid. Living here makes black people afraid to live, to learn, to be good to each other or to leave. I’m not afraid and that makes me suspect and feared. I am suspect because I am not susceptible to the spirit-numbing, soul-robbing, mind-game-playing, gaslight tactics people do to each other here in the state of Missouri.

Two different jobs, I had supervisors tell me I should go work someplace else. One of them actually got me fired from my job because he couldn’t obfuscate me into being someone I didn’t want to be. The other one, instead of talking to me like an adult, kept threatening to write me up, insisting that I didn’t belong on “her” team. She ultimately had to give me a review (written by someone else) that probably made her want to gag, because I didn’t do what she was trying to mind-fuck me into doing. The only reason I’m still at my job is because I was able to transfer away before she was able to come up with a trumped-up cause to fire me.

But, back to my task at hand: black people I have met here and became friends with have all said the same thing, “they are afraid to go anywhere that they don’t already know someone.” They worry that if they don’t know someone in a different city, they run the risk of being hurt, robbed or worse. For some reason, these folks here believe the rest of the world “is out to get them” if they venture past the borders of the state of Missouri.

I stopped being friends with two women because they were afraid. I invited both of them to celebrate birthdays in Las Vegas and both of them wanted to know why I wanted to leave STL to have a birthday party. Neither of them wanted to leave the city because they were afraid.

It took me a while to figure out what was really going on.

I’m not from STL, so I’m not susceptible to the fearfulness that has been fed black folks here from the cradle to the grave. It’s why the city school system is unaccredited and why at least four generations of blacks (and some whites) here are ill-spoken, illiterate. humiliated and afraid, even the ones who consider themselves middle and upper-class. There are several generations of black folks who are cut-out, left-out, shut-out, locked-out, locked up and put-out. The young people, as in every revolutionary generation, have risen up and are demanding an end to the status quo of “white privilege”.

STL Blacks carry on with a lot of uncle tom, handkerchief-head, shuck and jive performing and will turn on each other in a heartbeat, especially if they think it will curry favor with the folks they think are running things here. They don’t think for themselves because they believe doing so will get them in trouble. Every question begins with “what would the white folks do?” Blacks here won’t think for themselves and they can’t take care of each other because of this.

It may have taken the Michael Brown shooting in August to start the STL revolution. It is now the beginning of the end of “white privilege” with the several shootings of black men in the last 2.5 months. Unfortunately, it also means that innocents will be victimized until the situation is changed.

None of the people I deal with, including my closest friend, have a clue on how to present themselves as equals. The one thing I’ve noticed is that white people here, if they can’t get you to defer to, obey them or step aside, they will either ignore what you say and do or they will do everything they can to ostracize you or even race you up the sidewalk to get in the front door of the closest grocery store first. None of them know how to talk to or behave with a black person who is well- or better-educated and speaks good English. Their belief system is that we are dirty, stupid animals and incapable of behaving in a civilized manner and uplift ourselves from a state of poverty and ignorance.

It is really great that Reverend Al, Brother Jesse, Martin Jr, Father Dick and Dr. Cornell have come to town to help folks stand up for themselves. Even though they are on the right track with the non-violent pop-up protests, none of them have come up with the right speech or the right phrase to set this town on proverbial “fire”! None of them have seen what is really going on in STL!!

From my point of view, it appears that all of the police departments in the metro area have signed on to maintain the current culture of “white privilege.” A culture that is designed to keep people of colour “in their place” and maintaining a way of life where non-whites aren’t allowed to fully participate in the economic and educational riches of this region. Blacks and whites here don’t like each other, because both groups have been fed with mother’s milk not to like or to talk to each other in any meaningful way.

“White privilege” is so well entrenched in the MO culture that no one seems to realize this is the crux of the unrest. It is the reason that so much misinformation in the Michael Brown case has been released, which is designed to discredit the current protests and demands being made. This is also the reason for the violence-prone “renegade demonstrations” that pop up from time to time at high-visibility venues like the Dome, Busch and SLU.

The entrenched “privilege” regime is afraid and trying to wait until the depths of winter, to release the non-indictment of officer Darren Wilson, hoping it will postpone a riot such as the ones in LA in the early-90s with the Rodney King police beating verdict.

It’s more like “Forsyth Stays White!”, the cry that was heard in late 1987 in Georgia. There is a concerted effort to keep the white privilege power base in STL metro intact, but without the overt racism that got Cumming, GA in so much trouble.

Blacks and whites here see each other as the “enemy”, not as someone to share economic wealth, educational opportunities, governmental and political equality with.

It is time for an end to “white privilege” in metro STL…



STL — some catching up to do

March 10, 2013
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St. Louis is a Mecca for every racist known to man. They come here from different cities and countries and no matter how enlightened one may be, everyone who comes here will believe that a black person is inferior just because of the color of their skin.

Never mind that if you are a black person who is well educated, literate and articulate, at some point in your career in this city, you will be forced to endure treatment as a second-class citizen.

You’ll be disrespected by Caucasians, Native Americans, east Asians, regular Asians,  Polish, Irish, Italians and anyone else who comes to or lives in STL. There’s also a good possibility that someone Black will do the same thing.

They all come here or were born here and they all eventually absorb the erroneous assumption that a black person is inferior.

They use a word like “arrogant” in place of the N-word in order to denigrate and insult.

In the workplace, the racists hide and pretend to follow “company policy” to treat each other with respect and courtesy, but at some point, the prejudice comes oozing out, usually in the form of one of these folks trying to put the black person “in his or her place”.

It shows up in the form of constant criticism about performance, belittlement of one’s talent and skill, a constant questioning of ability and most of all, being ignored whenever a suggestion is made to do something better or in a different way.

You cannot attempt to keep an entire group of people face down in the dirt and expect a city to prosper.

Atlanta, GA learned that lesson a long time ago. It calls itself “the city that’s too busy to hate.”

St. Louis has a lot of catching up to do. They have forgotten to invite everyone to the table.

Top 10 St. Louis’ Discrimination Tips

March 14, 2012
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  1. Lose interest in a subject when a Black person wants to share their experiences.
  2. Don’t be-friend someone based on that person’s shade of skin.
  3. Don’t speak to someone because they didn’t go to your high school or grow up in your neighborhood.
  4. Mistreat a dark-skinned person just because they’re dark-skinned.
  5. A black person gets fired from a job for dating outside their race.
  6. A black person gets fired from a job for not being “submissive” enough or for “challenging” white authority.
  7. Watch a black person get wrongfully fired and not say a damn thing about it to anyone.
  8. Keep changing the rules of the game/job/activity to antagonize the black person, keep off balance and doubtful; belittling a black person’s talent and intelligence to keep that person from being successful and confident in their abilities.
  9. Refuse to sit next to a black person on a bus or train or stand behind a black person while in line or refuse to let a black person go through a door in front of you.
  10. Companies spew bullshit about a diverse workforce; they’ve got a natural blonde, a brunette and a redhead, each of whom sports a DD cup and no taller than 5’ 7”.

And by the way, these don’t just apply for white people, black folks here suffer from “crab in a barrel” syndrome and do the same thing to each other every day. Some of us are just as bad as the white folks. If STL doesn’t let go of this bigotry and racist nonsense, it will always be a car culture with an inferiority complex. You cannot be a prosperous city when people don’t spend time being honest with each other and having a dialog on how to exterminate the mighty big elephant in the room. It’s been trampling this city into dust for more than 50 years.

this just in…

January 15, 2012
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Saint Louis Missouri is the last bastion of the persecuted racist. It seems to me that every redneck in the continental US is living here in STL and all of them are working together to run as many black people out-of-town as possible and especially those of us who are smarter than they are.  They do it by lying for and protecting each other even to the point of stealing thousands of dollars and getting people fired who should be promoted.

If black folks in STL would get their heads out of their asses (nix all that “oh woe is me” bullshit) and work together, we could force a change of attitudes in this town. They can’t fire everyone, especially if we learn what our rights are (the EEOC is a fucking joke!) and then act on those rights.

Wake up all you handkerchief head, field hand niggers! Get together, educate yourselves and then tell the white man exactly what he can do with his racist bullshit.

Ain’t I a woman?

November 1, 2011
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stings doesn't it?What I’m saying is based on a chat I had with former lover. I’m going on record with the following:
I’m not some exotic animal that escaped from a zoo in California. I had the same dreams, hopes and ideals as anyone and feet of clay, to boot. I looked for some happiness and caring and what I got was a bunch of people examining me under a spotlight and once it was discovered that my cunt wasn’t snapping or singing an aria and only human, cast aside. Whatever these people thought I was completely made up in their heads. The guy even said something about me being a bumble-bee — my ass! Flitting around like some damn mindless animal…

Matter of fact, when I moved here, I was all about meeting people, getting a good paying job and getting myself into some sort of stable environment that was different from the non-stop party that was Atlanta, GA.  I couldn’t take it–much as I loved living there–I couldn’t keep a job long enough to get ahead in any manner in that city.

For five years, I had a new job every year I was living there and nothing to show for it.  Lost my ability to have children because of a tumor; lost my fiance to a conniving, lying cow looking for a husband; lost my family to a lie…
Having this conversation with the gentleman, went a long way towards clearing up a question of perception I had been asking myself a lot of years while living in STL. I am not an exotic animal with no feelings or goals in life, I have been in love and had my heart and spirit broken more times than you might think and always for the wrong reasons.

But now, I understand why. For some reason, the people I met somehow inferred that I was some soulless, mindless creature, flitting around without a care in the world nor a pot to piss in. None of them took the time to take a look at me as a real human being.  All anyone saw was some zebra-stripped doppelgänger passing for human; never mind that I bleed and weep and grieve and hurt just like everyone else. No one here has taken the time to get to know me for me and not that stupid California-mystic bullshit.

I’m stepping out from under the spotlight and stating here and now that yes, I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California, but living there did not make me some sort of supernatural being with benign powers and a glowing personality. The difference between me and these Midwesterners is that I was raised in an environment that nurtured me, taught me, groomed me and never told me I was less than someone because of the color of my skin.

Some folks might laugh at that concept, but it’s true. I read about racism, bigotry, slavery, uncle tom, jim crow and pretty much saw every movie that was available in the 60s, 70s and 80s on the subject, but didn’t get called “colored” until I was working at a 5-star hotel’s corporate offices on Peachtree Street in the late 80s. It was there I began to understand that people wouldn’t like me because I was Black, brown-skinned and nappy-haired. My entire life I believed I was beautiful and even as an “old” dame, I still believe I’m beautiful, even though I am daily assaulted by bigots to the nth degree here in St. Louis. Even people who call themselves Black, and should know better than to be struck by the shade of a person’s skin and lie about that condition, to boot.

don’t call me ma’am, dammit!

October 8, 2011
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@40, you are a thing of beauty, a wonder to behold; a sex goddess of wondrous magnitude.
@ 50, it’s “look bitch, why don’t you die and get out of the way of us younger women already?”
Then it’s “yes, ma’am” and “no ma’am”. Shit!

I’m not a ma’am, don’t f-ing call me ma’am!

I still like sex and men and even though the big M is closing in along with gravity, loss of hair and neck sag, there is still enough juice left in this body to put any 30-, 40-something to shame! Skill and wisdom outwits youthful lying and conniving EVERY time.

You’re not allowed to push up on this old chick because I can see you coming. And while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about the bit “M”; no, desperate single women, not MEN – MENOPAUSE!

Yeah, you’re cute now, but wait til that one morning you wake up at 3a.m., soaking fucking wet and it’s not because you were screwing some guy’s brains out the other side of your headboard! Your hormones are getting ready to take you on the roller coaster ride to hell!
Picture this; you’re always the calm port in the storm? Not anymore. You’re going to have panic attacks, where some voice in your head will scream at you to kill your best friend with your bare hands, because he or she looked at you funny while you were drinking a glass of water! Every man will become a suspect in an unsolved murder and every woman is trying to trick you. You’ll have hair growing out of your chin and not growing out of your head or your crotch!
Simple instructions on how to open a box of cereal will make no sense at all. You’ll read a book and forget what happened in the previous paragraph. You’ll forget what day House is on TV (wait, that’s not a conspiracy—they keep changing the day it’s on!) and you will forget what blouse you wore the day before and go to work the next day wearing it again (so that’s why everyone was looking at me funny)!

One thing, if you can get through this sometime in the next 10 years without ending up in prison or dead, you’ll wake up one morning, no longer a prisoner of your uterus or ovaries! The sun will rise and you’ll be clear-headed and bright-eyed! Of course you may not want to have sex with a man ever again, but it’ll be nice to reminisce about what it felt like to roll around in a bed naked and sweaty and slick-skinned.

I’m practicing prayer and meditation and deep-breathing exercises and positive thinking (don’t laugh–it does work) to force my body to manufacture endorphins that make me happy, not crazy. Kegel exercises are a god-send, because bladder control and a slack vagina can become problematic if you’re not paying attention.

I try to avoid having conversations with anyone under age 25 because that’s where the homicidal tendencies seem to flare up most.

Turn off the TV, turn on some music, pick up a good book (not an e-reader), curl up on your couch.

Take a slow walk in the park, sit in your back yard and enjoy the birds, fresh air and the squirrels.

Fire up a charcoal grill and cook something on it that you don’t eat all the time. (gas grills are cheating!)

In other words, when the spikes and dips get to be too much, do something distracting!

I know doctors will swear that drugs and hormone therapy will alleviate the symptoms and agonies of the change, but if you can manage without the drugs, do so. Use herbals and teas and keep drinking water. Knock off the sugar, get rid of the cigarettes eat lots of vegetables and high-end meat and keep drinking water!

We do have the ability to control what our bodies do to us or make us do, because they are our bodies.

A State of Stupidity

August 10, 2011
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In a state of stupidity does change begin with a whisper?

Does it really?

Here in STL it’s time for some shouting, fist pumping and name calling!

Black folks here need to figure out how to beat the system–not by robbing, stealing, lying or cheating, but by unlearning what they’ve been taught.

Stop yass suhing and yass ma’ming and speak up for yourselves–there should be hoards of folx in the now empty libraries–getting educated on what to say and how to say it; speaking correct English and writing legible sentences; learning the rules and using them to better yourself.

Here’s one beef: we need to lynch that damn rap music.  It makes our young black women then they’re only good as hoochies, ho’s, hookers, hypes or heifers popping out babies non-stop.

Our young black men thing they’re gangsters, greasers, goons and goof-off with saggy, look like shit-filled pants, dragging ass out!

Pull up your damn pants and go get a job!

Being educated is not poison, it’s a way up and out!

Folks here have been taught well, but not well-educated.

They’ve been taught snobbery, snipery, begging, borrowing, stealing and stoning. They’ve been taught to step away, step down, step back and step off — to sit down and shut up.

They’ve been taught bigotry, racism, prejudice and disrespect of their fellow-man.

Get together and learn:  how to do something different and better.

Get together and stand up for yourselves; speak up when you see a fellow human being mistreated, slandered and lied about.

Step out of that “where did you go to high school” bullshit and open yourselves up to “where do you want to go on the planet?” or maybe even to the moon?

Now I understand how Rosa Parks felt that day she refused to give up her seat on the bus.

If you engage in any behavior that is disrespectful of others, you need to be re-educated. Unlearn your racist or submissive, subversive behavior.

If you’re white and won’t shake a black person’s hand, you are un-educated.

If you’re black and you think another mere human is better than you, because of skin color, you’re un-educated.

If you’re white and you won’t sit next to or say “excuse me” to a person of color on the Metro or bus, then you’re un-educated.

If you’re black and don’t say PLEASE or THANK YOU, you’re un-educated.

Black folks need to get together and learn the rules of the game and when one of us is being persecuted, picked on, put out, put down, enough voices raised in protest will shut the assholes down. Enough voices/notes/letters in support will kill the current incarnation of JIM CROW dead, dead, dead.

Did you get fired? Was it fair? Did the company follow its’ own rules? Do you even know what the rules are? Go to the library and pick up a couple of books on the subject of federal employment laws.

Stop sitting around pissing and moaning about how bad you been treated — go get educated and un-learn all the handkerchief-head, dumb darky bullshit you’ve been taught!

The back of my head

July 23, 2011
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…you’d rather see the back of my head and not the back of my hand.

You are now reading the words of the last civilized woman in the united state of Missouri!

Today’s subject?


It’s a disease that is running rampant in the streets of St. Louis, Missouri. It’s the reason the city’s North side is mostly derelict, abandoned and burned down!

Powerlessness is the reason why people of excellence are unemployed while people of mediocrity are working!

Powerlessness is what causes youngsters to vandalize, break car windows and steal things that don’t belong to them!

Pathetic powerlessness is the fact that this city has a serious problem with racism, mediocrity, apathy and a dangerous amount of carelessness!

The media keeps touting the lie that this state is the most caring in the country, but you can’t walk the streets at night or drive your car or take a bus without some asshole trying to deprive you of your personal belongings, put uninvited hands on you, or going into your home without your express permission.

Powerlessness is the meth and heroin epidemic that seems to be taking over neighborhood by neighborhood across the state.

I’ve been living here since 1992 and the one unique thing I’ve discovered is that STL is a very mean-spirited city!  Having spent formative years living among civilized people on the West coast, it is something that reeks and oozes out of the pores of the people you pass by in the street in the city.

It’s being victimized, one powerless person over another for no other reason than being powerless.

A book I read that was written back when Black folks were considered less than human would be a blueprint for the way things are here!  The book? Hurry Sundown, written by K.B. Gilden.  It’s a two book novel and has a lot of appropriate content that speaks to the issues walking around in the 21st century!

A passage from the book reads as follows:

I been rebuked and  I been scorned.  I been abused and I been stomped. I been flogged and burned and hanged and shot. I have my eyes gouged out and my guts kicked in and my hands chopped off and my sex passed around for a souvenir. My women been raped from the Congo to the Mississippi, my children been slandered and slapped down and set upon and spit at. I been blowed up, chased out, jailed, chained, enslaved and robbed. And I’m still supposed to love the white man. . .”

As far as I’m concerned, love went out the window, when I had this idiot who didn’t know how to do his job, tell me how to do mine and when I took an exception to his inept instruction, he told a lot of lies to a lot of people and got me fired.

A good move on his part, because now “the last Black civilized woman” is ready to unleash her acid-tongued alter ego, M. Alicia Davis.

For a short period of time, I became powerless until I realized it was my responsiblity to kick, scream and fight my way out of that notion.  It was time for me to retrieve my self-respect and the courage and dignity I was taught by my people.

If what I’ve written has offended you, then perhaps you should take a very long look at yourself and your deep-down reason for being offended.

If it has to do with the words on this page and the color of my skin (which you didn’t know until now), then that makes you a racist!

Whatever it is that pisses you off, consider this: Powerlessness is what is keeping STL from participating in the big wide world right now.  It is why the buildings are falling apart on the North side and people don’t shake hands here, especially if it’s a black person and a white person! (what’s up with that?)

Powerlessness is why people who are Black and smart are always one step away from the street and people who are something else and mediocre are running things.  Somebody needs to step up and take a real hard look at the big picture, peel off the dead scab and get to the heart of the underlying racial divide currently killing this beautiful city!