lastcivilizedwoman

10 questions to ask a man…

May 23, 2017
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  1. are you selfish?
  2. do you think all women are bitches and whores?
  3. are you afraid? (of people, traveling, trying new stuff?)
  4. do you know how to share?
  5. do you know how to laugh?
  6. are you easy to talk to?
  7. are you a good listener?
  8. how do you feel about PDAs?
  9. are you a cheapskate or stingy (see selfish)?
  10. do you know when to just be there?

Bonus question:  are you gullible? (if he doesn’t know what “gullible means”, run!) if you don’t know what “gullible” means, go look it up, dammit!  and stop being gullible!


double nickels and a full moon

January 15, 2014
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buttery moon 2014this evening, I watched a bright, butter yellow moon rise slowly over the tree tops while sitting on the train home this evening. I counted myself very fortunate to be able to sit still for 35 minutes and experience the phenomenon of that moon. I’ve seen that moon before, but never quite the way I saw it tonight.

at first I wasn’t sure what it was, it looked like something was on fire, because the top of it was barely seen through the tree-tops and it took 5 minutes to reveal itself  that bright, butter yellow orb that took its’ sweet time to appear in the distance.

i could blink and miss some aspect of that rising moon, so much so that it seemed as if the moon was frog- leaping into the sky should I look away.

i’m glad i got to see that moon rise. i count is a blessing and a privilege that i could sit still long enough to enjoy and appreciate it.

such a simple pleasure in this fast-paced world where everyone seems to be looking down (phone/ipad/laptop/notebook) at something in their laps these days.

i hope to see many more.

55mphfor the uninformed, double nickels means 55, which the age i will be in the spring. to me, this number is just as momentous as age 40 or 50 for that matter. it means that i am 5 years away from being 60 and that much closer to a retirement that i am not prepared for, neither emotionally nor fiscally. i, like many others, unfortunately dropped a lot of money into the stock market, relying solely on this as the way to secure my retirement future. bad idea. two years before i turned 50, half of the money i had saved was gone in the nuclear blast that was the housing market debacle. sucked away into a black hole.

sadly, this did not come to pass. to add insult to injury, two years after i turned 50, i was fired from my job. no severance, no golden parachute, nothing. i then made the mistake of assuming that my skills would put me back into the job market within a couple of months and ran around having some fun. it actually took 18 months and by that time, i had lived through the remaining money from my 401k. so much for the plans of worms and women.

i count myself foolish for believing the lie that the stock market would be the means towards my independence and comfort in my dotage.

i’m still grateful for having seen that moon.


up to no good

June 18, 2012
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Some people are made of plastic,
You know some people are made of wood.
Some people have hearts of stone,
Some people are up to no good.

Some people are made of lies
To bring you down
And shame your name.

Life is about making choices. Some choices we make are actually good for us, even though at the time we make them, it may not seem like it. Later down the road, we look back and realize even though that certain choice hurt, it may very well have been the catalyst to a better life, a better environment, a better happiness.

My topic is the choices we make when we choose a life mate, best friend, our keeper of secrets, etc.

Think of it this way, if you choose someone because they look good next to you, not because of how they treat you, care for you, or help you when your back is up against the wall, then you’re probably going to get an ass-kicking you deserve from that very person.

If you choose someone because of how they look, that really makes you shallow. The best thing you could ever do for yourself is find out how that person will behave with you when you are sick, broke, unemployed, depressed, or just plain down on your ass. Do they come by and just sit and talk with you, while watching TV? Do they offer to do something nice for you just because? Will they pick up the phone at random and just ask you how you are doing? Think about it this way, if you were out of a job, would they still be there, encouraging you to keep on keeping on?

Oh, it’s all fun and games while every body’s flush and pockets are bulging, we can spend money and lavish gifts with the best of them. But what about when your pockets are empty and you’re barely making it from one paycheck to the next? Is it all of a sudden, you can’t get them on the phone, or, you call them up because you’ve found something free and fun to do on Wednesday afternoon, they’re no where to be found? What about that time you had this great movie you rented for $1 and you invited them over to watch it with some popcorn and Kool-Aid and they told you they were going to a happy hour and then next thing you know, they’re back in your face, regaling you with stories of how fine the bartender was that night (didn’t dawn on them that maybe you’d like to have gone too)?

You know that old saying “looks can be deceiving” is a true statement on the state of human relations in the 21st century. You pick someone because they look good and you wind up with someone who’s more trouble than they’re worth. Narcissistic, selfish, mean-spirited, stingy, inconsiderate—but boy are they CUTE! Bullshit!

So does this mean you’ll date someone because they look good, or has a big penis, or tiny vagina, or “good” hair or blue eyes or hazel eyes or tall or muscular, and treat you like shit?

Or would you take the time to get to know someone, that someone who just might turn out to the best thing for you since sliced bread? Especially when it comes down to how you treat each other? Respecting one another’s opinion, allowing that person to be themselves, warts and all? Seeking constantly to find things you can share with each other? Finding out what makes the other person happy and doing that just because you know it makes that person happy? Or better yet, knowing when to shut up and just let them be?

One thing I’ve discovered, when we are young, we want to be right all the time, no matter the consequences. Well I’m here to tell you, knock that shit off! If you are lucky enough to make it out of your forties and you’ve been paying attention, you’ll discover it’s not important to be right all the time. What you start looking for is some mutual respect among your peers, friends and lovers and if you don’t find it, within a certain period of time, then you will move on. It’s not necessary to be right, it is, however, necessary to be treated well, especially when you look back at where you’ve been and what you put up with when your biological clocks were running and your body was following along willingly.

Try it this way, apply these principles at 20, not at 40 and the right person may turn up on your doorstep sooner than you think.

I keeping remembering being a little girl and reading those stupid fairy tales and watching those even dumber romance movies, where boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl in the end (barf time`) and there are thousands of women just like me who grew up with that shit and still believe it to this day! There ain’t no such thing as a happy ending in a fairytale. Women aren’t taught how to stand on their own two feet and be self-sufficient, we all grow up believing some guy is going to come along making 6-figures, buy us a 2-story house, a BMW, give us 2.5 children, put them through college, take a vacation in Europe every other year and then oblige us by dropping dead with the house paid off, the kids out of college and a million dollars in the bank, free and clear.

That’s a lot of burden to put on one human being. Why weren’t we taught to be self-sufficient, put our own money in the bank and buy our own BMW, 2-story house and skip the babies all together? Or better yet, help the man with getting all this stuff?!?!? What’s wrong with sharing the burdens and working toward the goals together???

But baby, I’m for real
I’m as real as real can get

If what you’re looking for
Is real loving
Then what you see
Is what you get!

(If you haven’t heard these song lyrics before, check out a 70s group called “The Dramatics”) on YOUTUBE  OR copy and paste in your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG-hD81o6Rs (no copyright infringement intended).


Remake the World

May 13, 2012
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I’d like to remake the world in to, not my image, but a place where people are more civil to one another. A place where work is work and home is home, and neither are ever put together, not even when out doing happy hours or meetings with co-workers.

The place that I live in is a place where people spurt bullshit about diversity and that’s all it is, bullshit. They have some kind of “vision” where everybody looks, talks, acts and dresses alike. They go on TV and put models up, saying look at us, we’re diverse and you walk through the front door and it’s a herd of cattle, munching on the same tired grass.

We live in a world where civility has taken a back seat to expediency, fair play has degenerated into back stabbing and saying excuse me, please and thank you has given way to pushing, shoving and silence.

I’d like to return to a time when individuality was valued and everyone didn’t walk around wearing khaki pants and polo shirts, unless it was a uniform of some kind. I’d like to return to a time when you could go on an interview and answer questions in your own voice; not the voice that’s running around in the head of some HR people these days who think their “vision” of a perfect department is an entire group of zombie employees who think, talk, act and look alike.

When you have a group of people in a room who are of the same mindset, what you have is a stagnant pool, which does nothing innovative, creative or original. You are only maintaining the status quo and in the world where I come from, you don’t last very long if you don’t think for yourself and keep working on being better, stronger, faster.  Most likely, that’s how Hitler came to power; people stopped thinking for themselves and let some megalomaniac do their thinking for them. God help us all if this is the future.

We keep driving cars that pollute the air, we keep buying groceries that are so over-priced, no one can afford to eat healthy anymore. Doctors don’t spend time talking with their patients and if you’re ethnic, they assume that you’re sick because you’re too lazy to go out and exercise.  Laziness doesn’t enter the picture because most minorities are busy living from one paycheck to the next, there’s no time to eat healthy or exercise. Those who want to work, usually work 2 or 3 part-time jobs because that’s all they can get. There are no more jobs that pay a decent living wage and those that do, they come up with some shite about “you need a college degree”. Yeah, right. There was a time when experience counted for something.

We put politicians in office who kowtow to big companies because they’re the ones with the money and we all know that money talks and the people get screwed, which is why JP Morgan is still throwing good money after bad and people like me lose half their life savings and nobody bothers to get it back for us. But our politicians keep bailing out these companies because they want the money that their PACs give them. All they are doing is passing money back and forth. PACs give the politicians money to look the other way while they rip off the voters and the politicians give the PACs’ companies money because nobody’s minding the store and stopping the corporate welfare system that’s currently in place. This is probably why welfare and public housing has been done away with. Big companies want the money that would be going to help poor people.


Day 09 – When the cashier gives me this amount of money for change I know it’s too much money to dump in the charity bucket

April 9, 2012
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anything over $5 is going back in my pocket. I generally don’t dump my hard-earned change into some strange bucket. I’ll donate a $1 or more to what I believe is an established charity or even some poor family who needs help that I’ve read about or seen on the news. Unfortunately, as I am my most pressing charity case these days, I haven’t made many charitable donations in 2012.


Day 08 — If I could afford it, the piece of famous artwork you would find in my home is:

April 8, 2012
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Napoleon Bonaparte’s throne or the Winged Victory statue, both of which are currently in the Louvre in Paris, France. I would even consider anything by Picasso.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winged_Victory_of_Samothrace

 


the perfect man

April 7, 2012
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and eventually the equipment will fail!

There is no such animal, vegetable or mineral. If there were, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here on my 53rd birthday, writing about this shit. If he did exist, he’d be tall, intelligent, well-read, a mannered Renaissance man with the ability to go from blue jeans to tuxedo in 60 seconds or less No, really, he’d be able to do that and still laugh at a movie like Kung Fu Hustle, and not feel guilty about spending the weekend watching a LOONEY TUNES marathon and eating popcorn.

My expectations are over the top and I’m a little long in the tooth to be hanging on to fairy tales. But then, my adult love life has been this fucking joke where the guy thought I was “just something to do” until his “dream girl” came along. Then without fail, the “dream girl” turned into the Tasmanian devil and back they came, crying about how sorry they were for dumping me. It’s a bad version of “Groundhog Day”. I even once had a girlfriend tell me to “never let a man know how smart you are”. I tried that and my brains oozed out of the sides of my head.

I’m a bit of a geek chick, meaning I have very eclectic tastes and expectations. The men I run into are perfectly dumbfounded when they find out just how much shit, good and bad, I can get into in a few weeks time. I don’t flit, I just don’t like being stale. I plan my trips and then get there and throw away the map and try to get down on the street with the folks who live there. The men I meet want to do all the “touristy” shit that everybody else does.

The perfect man can cook, wash his own damn clothes and keep his house clean. When it comes to his woman, he can listen and hear well, feel her pain and answer questions in complete sentences. Won’t see any benefit to letting his dick lead him around and get him into stupid situations. Wouldn’t see any need to lie about anything and any thing he didn’t want to lie about, he’d keep quiet and not make up absurd stories or tragic scenarios, especially when he really wants to go out and fuck around, either with his boys or his girls. There will be no fear in him and what there is, he wouldn’t be afraid to talk about it because his best friend is the woman who is the keeper of his secrets and watcher of his back when it’s up against the wall.

I stopped the marriage go-round when the second one failed for almost the same reason as the first one. These days, even the long-time partner has gone the way of the dodo, off seeking younger (dumber) pastures. I’m in what’s the last, best quarter of my life and with the machinery starting to shut down and the hair thinning away, I’m ready to lock away the merchandise and go gallivanting around the globe before I get too old to gallivant.

As soon as I get my dream job and move into a new apartment, the crusade to save my impending retirement from epic disaster will begin again. I almost had it stabilized this last time around, then I turned 50 and got shuffled off to Buffalo. But that’s a story for different blog…


The Girlfriend Network

January 10, 2012
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"the girlfriend network"Have you ever been seeing a guy and everything is going along just fine and then one day he comes to you and says he’s getting married and/or moving in with or seeing seriously some other woman?

Chances are, you’ve been snafued by the “girlfriend network”. It’s a group of women who get together for the sole purpose of fucking up someone else’s good thing. They do this because one of these chicks decides she wants to see so and so exclusively and/or married to so and so and this is where the shit gets strange.

All of a sudden, you’ve got women you don’t even know sneering and rolling their eyes at you and then you start noticing some other strange women following you around whenever you leave the house and your coworker keeps coming to your desk asking you what you’re doing for the weekend and eavesdropping on your phone calls during the week and she may have even went through your cell phone contacts when it was left sitting on your desk.

Then there’s the part where you’re leaving work one afternoon, and there’s this woman standing in the doorway and when you ask her if the door is stuck, she says “No, I’m just standing here not doing anything. You glance over your shoulder and the big Amazon woman who’s been rolling her eyes and smirking at you for the past 3 months is right on your ass and you’re sandwiched between these two women, hoping that the Amazon doesn’t have a knife or something sharp to stick in your back so you’ll leave her girlfriend’s man alone long enough for the network to complete its’ task, which is to pressure the man with stories about how wonderful miss thing is and how she’d make a good wife and the whole time all she’s looking for is to parade the “prize” man around town, telling everybody “hands off” and then it’s her turn to be smirking and rolling her eyes.

Ultimately, she really doesn’t give a flying fuck about the guy, it’s just that all the “girls” are after him and they’d kill each other for a chance to “nail” the guy cause he’s a  high school”legend” (give me a fucking break!). Which means at some point in “the relationship” she’ll “accidentally” get pregnant and the next thing you know, it’s a boy and the girlfriend network is going apeshit buying baby clothes and saying how “pretty” the baby is because the parents both have “good hair” and are “light-skinned”. Or better yet, the girlfriend network gangs up on the guy, telling him how she’s a “good” girl and that he should “make an honest woman” out of her because she “accidently” got pregnant.  super duper bullshit that is!

My favorite it the one day you’re on the metro train and there’s some fat-ass black woman talking on her cell phone telling somebody, that ‘she’s right here on the train’. Then she says ‘didn’t you say she has dreads and wears a red coat? Well, she’s sitting right here in front of me.’ Then the cow hangs up the phone and spends the rest of the trick hmphing and screwing up her lips like she ate something nasty. Then gets off the train at the same stop and stands in the middle of the platform like she’s ready to punch somebody out.

Crazy, huh? Well, I’ve seen it happen twice in my 20 years here in STL. The first time it worked and the second time, well, the jury’s still out because it remains to be seen how much abuse miss thing is willing to endure trying to land this guy.

FYI: if you’re seeing some guy and you want to spend the weekend at his house, but you have to get a girlfriend to take you there and then when the weekend is over and he’s fucked you 3 ways to Sunday, then drops you off at the bus or train, because he claims he doesn’t have gasoline or money to drive you home, guess what, girlfriend, he’s not interested in you except for the PUSSY!!!!


a town that cares?

November 5, 2011
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I keep seeing these articles online and in print about how STL cares about its’ people. If that’s the case, why are there women and children homeless in this city? How is it that someone can donate $100,000 for a bronze statue, but not subsidize housing or create jobs for so many out of work? What’s wrong with this picture?

If this town is so great, why are there so many homeless here and even worse, why are there so many women and children who are homeless?

How is that people can drive past “Hope City” every day and not see the conditions that people there are living under?

Who in this city has the funds to donate more than $100,000 for a statue with no other use than to be looked at and someday ignored? If this person has that kind of money to toss around, give me a couple of million and I’ll show you “how your money is spent”. Not only will I improve my life (currently no permanent job), but I’ll use some of that money to find the female residents of “Hope City” and really give them something to hope about!

Far be if from me to belittle the exploits of Albert Pujols swinging a bat for STL, but come on, now! How will that do anything to lift up the people living in squalor and poverty right under our very noses? Wouldn’t that money have been better served to feed, employ and even house some of these women and children?

And why in the world would you want to hold your head up with this kind of atmosphere? Why is it that this city seems to spend an enormous amount of time blowing its own horn about how “caring” it is and people like me remain un-, under-employed, homeless and hungry?

Put your money where your mouth is, find and maintain a building for working women with children, give me the money and I’ll find the women who need help and are willing to work hard to “lift themselves up by their bootstraps”.