lastcivilizedwoman

that’s just the way it goes…

November 13, 2017
Leave a Comment

There’s a theme here..either I’m a pain in the ass or people here in STL lie alot…to themselves or each other, especially when it’s about someone or something they don’t have a clue about.

20 years ago, I moved into a very beautiful building into a very unique condo apartment.  Unfortunately, it was full of very ugly people, who did everything they could think of to make me pack up and leave. Instead, i stayed for 10 years, long enough for my beautiful little black dog  to pass away and long enough to make an embezzler leave town. I believe this guy was stealing the condo association’s money to support himself because he couldn’t find a job as a graphic designer. I also believe he stole money from the city for the same reason. Of course, I can’t prove any of this! Anyway, to make a long story short, I stayed and it didn’t matter what they did, I was going to stay.

Let’s fast forward to 2016. My then landlord wasn’t interested in maintaining the apartment I was living in and on top of that, he moved his girlfriend in and since she was jealous of me and had a nasty habit of dropping stuff on the floor over my bedroom late at night, after 6 years and one job loss, it was time for me to move. 2 months after she camped her fat ass upstairs, I was gone.

November 2016, I moved into a beautiful historical landmark building, that once again, is full of ugly people. Don’t get me wrong, the building is beautifully rendered, inside and out, renovated from the walls in with about 200 unique apartments holding a varied group of people, across all socio-economic backgrounds. Unfortunately, for me, the person to the east of me, seems to enjoy dragging something across the floor at irregular intervals, creating disruptive, screeching sounds at all hours of the day and night.  One Friday night, this jerkweed spent an entire evening dragging shit across the floor. Most “normal” people probably would have gotten bored after a couple of hours. Not this mental defective.  I discovered that this person is able to do this because the floors are connected under the walls so any sound produced on the floor transfers to the next apartment.

The other odd thing, I seem to be the only person complaining about the noise to management. Because of this, there has been no action taken. Emails ignored, calls to security unanswered and the sound, like nails on a chalkboard, continues unabated.

I wouldn’t recommend any one coming to live in this historical building across from the 8th and Pine metrolink station in St. Louis, MO for this very reason. They’ll make you pay outrageous rent, bug the shit out of you if you don’t pay on time and ignore any requests for help until it suits them to respond, which is never.

What’s left for me to do? I had considered knocking on the next door, but, considering that it’s obvious this person is creating the racket on purpose, what’s the point? I’m actually opting for total public humiliation by confronting the dragger, just to embarrass him or her (likely a her) completely and utterly.

My perception of the management people is that because they don’t live here and the security team can’t afford to live here, complaints about the racket or anything else has very little meaning to them, other than collecting the rent and pretending to present something to the public at large that is essentially NOT TRUE.

At first, I thought the noise was coming from the top floor community room, (which the tenants can’t reserve, but management can for their events, whenever they feel like it and then charge tenants to attend). I figured the racket out early one Saturday morning (1:45 am)  when I was up watching a movie and all of a sudden, the screech. Put my ear to the wall, and there it was.

The next weekend, it was party central with more dragging along with yelling, thumping and some loud music. This time, I called security (who didn’t answer) and left a message asking that they come up and ask 18XX to shut the party down. Less than a minute later, blissful silence. Which makes me wonder if the guard wasn’t in there partying with them.

It’s the beginning of a new week, and once more into the noisy breach. as I did in my other condo, I’m not leaving until I’m ready to go, not because they may be trying to harass me out.

Some vague attempt by the management team to get me to abandon my lease so they can put someone else in my apartment.

I’m still going to opt for total and complete public humiliation. I’m lying in wait for my chance to embarrass the hell out of everybody.

Crazy lady signing off…

Advertisements

thought for the day…

October 17, 2017
Leave a Comment


Victimization culture

September 17, 2017
Leave a Comment

We’re fighting the wrong battle from the wrong end. This is an environment where people who look a certain way are given opportunities and people who don’t look a certain way are denied opportunities because they are seen as not deserving of the same opportunities given to certain other people (aka white privilege).

Here in STL there was a man living with a gun to his head  that may have been because of these circumstances. He may have been forced into thug life so he could provide for the people he loved in the only way he was allowed to do. It may have been his environment, his family’s environment; it may have been his education or the lack of it. He may have been forced to live in a place similar to the one over on Chouteau @ Tucker, where the vermin are ruling and not the humans. If a restaurant had that problem, the city would shut it down and a whole lot of folks would be paying a whole lot of fines.

Yep, he was a drug dealer, living with a gun to his head, and we need to be addressing the whys of that condition, not the end of that condition. How’d he get to that point in the first place? Was he trying to save his mother and siblings from more victimization? Will his offspring (cousins, nieces, nephews) end up there also?

We live in a victimization culture. I thought originally that it was only against brown-skinned women, but it’s actually across all races and not just against women.

Can’t figure out if it’s because of rap music, violent video games, no religious or moral upbringing and all of which is embedded in culture, which no one recognizes anymore.

We have a president who is a victimizer. So, it stands to reason that the people who voted for him either allow it to happen or participate in the activity.

But I digress.

We live in a culture where (most) men have been exposed to and internalized behavior that in the 1970s, would have caused a backlash so severe as to shut down a whole lot of shit and not just several streets in the Delmar Loop or the streets around the mayor’s house in the Central West End.

This is not the case today because any one is capable of victimizing someone else and then stand there acting like nothing is happening and the person complaining about it must be crazy.

It’s a victimization culture when a man asked his opinion on live TV he comes up with “I believe in the 1st Amendment and I believe in boobs. They’re the only things that haven’t let me down.” The female newscaster shut the whole thing down and good for her.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/third-rail/episodes/episode-2-is-america-becoming-more-or-less-racist/

It’s also a culture of hate speech (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate_speech) that you may not know is being fought regularly by the US Supreme Court (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate_speech#United_States).  Hate speech is protected as long as it doesn’t endanger someone’s life.

The problem here is that victimization and hate speech have become the norm in our society as moral behavior and religious restrictions are shrugged off, these activities/behaviors/concepts are becoming more and more embedded in the US culture and even the entire world.

There are countries that mutilate girls’ genitalia. There are countries that stone, beat or gang-rape women who are out after a certain time at night.  There are countries that conscript/kidnap young girls to stop their education and force them into prostitution.

I would not walk down the street in my downtown neighborhood after 8 pm without carrying a taser or pepper spray (and I live in a nice neighborhood!).

Pick a city, any city and the culture is now allowing police officers to shoot someone even if they are running away and there are no consequences.

The officer in STL who was acquitted of murder charges for killing a drug dealer after a high speed chase. Even though he only made one recorded comment about killing the guy, the prosecution, according to the judge, “did not prove beyond a reasonable doubt there was premeditation in the shooting.” The funny thing is, that human being was very likely deprived of his “due process under law”.

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fourteenth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution). But no one has addressed that and double jeopardy applies here.

The horrible thing about this,the wrong human hasn’t died yet. AIDS wasn’t a “problem” until Rock Hudson died from it.  Then everybody got all excited. At some point in time, some cop somewhere is going to shoot the wrong person and then those constitutional amendments and deprivation of due process of law will get a workout.

The excuse all the officers are using “I was in fear of my life”. This is becoming rote and trite because someone somewhere taught them this in a class and very likely included the warning “sound sincere” when you utter the phrase and they’ll believe it.

This brings me back to the “victimization culture”. In this culture, people don’t call you “nigger” to your face. They think it and it comes out in their behavior. Think about that for a second.  The internet, because of  relative anonymity and “safety” of the computer, allows people to say, post, film, write, anything they please, with no hint of repercussion. Now, there need to be rules applied to internet usage because people don’t seem to be able to self-censure themselves any more and now it’s leaching into what used to be polite society.

In this cop’s case, he spoke words, which may have included thoughts (nigger) that we can’t prove (unless he slips and says it in the future) and then proceeded to act upon those words and possible thoughts. The “thoughts” are inadmissible in court. Dash and body cams can’t record thoughts. And, since the officer knows he’s being recorded, he’s going to “act” to that recording to evade “capturing” his real intent.

We have a president who does things like this, http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/17/politics/trump-tweet-clinton/index.html which proves he is the titular head of this victimization culture. Bet money there’ll be a retraction stating “he didn’t send the tweet, a misguided aide did”. I think this tweet actually does fall under unprotected hate speech, because it specifically targets a particular person.

This tweet comes after everyone dumped on Kathy Griffin for her photo while holding the “head” of the current president. She had gigs cancelled left and right.  She got trashed on TV, internet, in magazines and newspapers.

Maybe it’s time for the US to move toward an impeachment culture and get this victimizer out of office.

 


10 questions to ask a man…

May 23, 2017
Leave a Comment
  1. are you selfish?
  2. do you think all women are bitches and whores?
  3. are you afraid? (of people, traveling, trying new stuff?)
  4. do you know how to share?
  5. do you know how to laugh?
  6. are you easy to talk to?
  7. are you a good listener?
  8. how do you feel about PDAs?
  9. are you a cheapskate or stingy (see selfish)?
  10. do you know when to just be there?

Bonus question:  are you gullible? (if he doesn’t know what “gullible means”, run!) if you don’t know what “gullible” means, go look it up, dammit!  and stop being gullible!


No dead humans and a Superman…

August 27, 2016
Leave a Comment

August 25, 2016:

Going home as usual, not really concerned with my environment, but somewhere mentally always monitoring my surroundings while waiting for the Metrolink train to take me to the building I live in.  Too much time went by and the usually punctual train was not in evidence.

A lone security officer was walking up and down the eastbound platform and I heard a burst of sound from her radio saying something about a person wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans in the area, not realizing what was about to happen.

Next, the officer is asking us to please move to the opposite platform to catch the eastbound train. As I cross over, I can see further down there’s a human sitting in between the eastbound railroad tracks.

20160825_190603 Before the train appeared, the human moved just to the left outside rail and then we saw the train rolling slowly up the westbound side.20160825_190610

The human saw this also and got up to move into the train’s path, again lying down. When the human moved, it appeared to be a female.

20160825_190640

The woman you see on the right began to scream very unkind things about her finding someplace else to go and kill herself so she could go home, undoubtedly out of some misguided reverse psychology, which could have had the exact opposite effect.  I began to pray that the lady would move on her own, having a full understanding of what that kind of despair feels like.

You try to live your life in a way that’s beneficial and unselfish, but the rug gets pulled out from under you in ways you don’t expect; losing a job, a spouse, a child, a parent, a pet, a limb or something or someone you think you can’t possibly live without.

I understand this kind of despair. This kind of loss unfortunately, had the effect of teaching me not to become over-emotionally involved with another human to the point of despair ever again.

You know that old saying: “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.

Only problem with this is you have to recover from that loss and there are those of us out here who may not be able to recover. Hence the lady sitting on the train tracks. For her, it was a cry for help, that maybe someone actually answered.

The picture you don’t see is the man who walked down that eastbound platform and coaxed the despairing woman away from the train’s path. He stood with her and held her as we all boarded the train and moved out of this sad woman’s life.

My wish is that he took care of her and talked to her and helped her to get help and not despair. Not screaming at or belittling her like the woman in the picture did.

No one gets to try to take my life from me like that ever again.

And then, this guy showed up:20160825_192027_resized

Superman actually got on the eastbound Metrolink and chatted up the passengers, even though, like the proverbial Calvary, he was too late to do any good!

But maybe, there’s hope for us yet!


what civil rights?

July 10, 2016
Leave a Comment

US Constitution: The Fifth Amendment says to the federal government that no one shall be “deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law.”

US Constitution: The Fourteenth Amendment “limits the actions of all state and local officials, including those acting on behalf of such an official.”

The US Bill of Rights, Article 6 states: “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures.” Article 7 states “…nor [shall any person] be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law…”

Anybody know any good constitutional/civil rights attorneys interested in taking on local police stations? Pick a state, any state…

Maybe we need to add a 28th Amendment saying cops are not allowed to use guns to deprive a [Black] human being of life unless that [black] human is actually shooting at them. A person with a gun stuck in their waistband or a toy replica is not grounds for depriving a human of life.

A human being should not be deprived of medical care while in the custody and control of a police or peace officer.

 

 


hate speech 101

June 26, 2016
Leave a Comment

hate speech is any speech, gesture or conduct, writing, or display which is forbidden because it incites violence or prejudicial action against or by a protected individual or group, or because it disparages or intimidates a [particular] individual or group.”

any time the donald stands up in front of a crowd and cameras, he is practicing “hate speech”. nowadays, people hide hate speech in dog whistle rhetoric, pretending concern over the current state of affairs vis-a-vis “the immigrant situation”, “the crime situation” or “the muslim situation” . it’s all cleverly hidden rhetoric for the same tone, language and attitudes that many whites had when I was growing up as a child. “the only good ni-word is a dead n-word”, except now, it takes 20 words to say the same thing the previous 8 words say. if you notice, these words are coming out of the mouth of a human who thinks his money makes him invulnerable to consequences. if anyone complains, his lawyers get together and throw money at the problem until it goes away. trump gets the bill and that’s all he gets.

if you thought reagan and bush were bad, wait’ll you get a load of “the donald”. bend over and kiss this country good-bye.

this probably means we need to now add immigrants, gays and muslims to the “protected” category in the 1st amendment.


on being michael brown jr.

November 30, 2014
Leave a Comment

       

one white cop.

one young black man.

one with a gun.

one with his fists.

Darren Wilson.

Michael Brown, Jr.

 

In the shortened version of this story, the white cop did not sustain enough damage to justify killing an unarmed black man.  If he looked like Rodney King or Reginald Denny, I would be able to understand his shooting this young man to protect himself from being beaten to death. Looking at the pictures that were taken of him at “hospital”, left me shaking my head in wonder.

In the long, drawn out version told to the alleged Grand Jury, this officer feared for his life at the hands of a big, black teenager. There’s a possibility that this young man generally used his substantial size to bully and coerce others into doing his bidding. His parents said he was a gentle giant, but the video of him picking on the smaller adult in the store he took the cigarillos from, you can extrapolate that this young man did know he was big and burly and could get what he wanted by using his size to do so.

By the way, the cop was well-coached by his lawyers. He had to tell his story as straight-faced, unemotional and neutral-voiced as possible in order to be credible, even if he was lying through his teeth.

In the next version (mine), you have to wonder if the white cop was thinking with his primal brain when he kept pulling the trigger because Brown Jr. just wouldn’t stop coming and Wilson knew that if he just kept shooting, he could make this big-ass bear-child stop walking towards him with murder in his eyes. In my version, the question arises “was Wilson afraid or was he playing target practice with this young man?” In my version, I would also include the question of why Wilson couldn’t take a couple of punches from this unarmed black man and if he did take  couple of punches, why isn’t he walking around with at least one black eye, some knuckle-shaped purple-black bruises, a broken or dislocated jaw or a thoroughly damaged ear? If he was afraid for his life, does that mean that the slaps he probably got from Brown did, at least, dislocate his jaw? To me, that much damage might justify this officer shooting this unarmed black man to death.

The pictures I’ve seen of Wilson, there’s not enough facial damage done to warrant shooting Brown to death. The grand jury should have found probable cause to indict, based on the evidence. There should also be questions as to why Wilson was “walking” shots up this young man’s body. Was it target-practice? A well-placed couple of shots to the knees or femur would have gone a long way towards putting this young man down and preserving his life, extra “witnesses” be damned.

The question this so-called Grand Jury didn’t ask: why didn’t Wilson shoot to disable (a knee cap, femur or ankle) instead of taking the life? Was he thinking with his primal brain (kill the threat/or run like hell) or with his logical brain (play target practice on the n-word and make him suffer).

It appears to me that cops are no longer attempting to disable or maim, they are killing young black men, even if the circumstances don’t warrant it. They are not being trained to recognize when the primal brain is trying to take over to end a confrontation at all costs, instead of the logical brain which would calculate where to put a bullet to stop or slow further mayhem from happening. I would rather see an alive human being, missing an arm or leg rather than see a human being lying in the street unarmed and dead.

Some time in the not too-distant future, we’re going to find out that the 3 black jurors probably caved in to the 9 white jurors. Blacks here in MO are notoriously afraid of white people for absolutely no good reason. The blacks here keep giving whites some sort of power over what they say and do and always seem to be acquiescing to them, even to the detriment of their own opinions, ideas and lifestyles.

I think it’s way past time for black people to “stand their ground” and demand to be treated and given the same privileges as the white people in Missouri currently enjoy. There is economic opportunity everywhere in this state if everyone would realize the only color that matters is the color of your money.

It’s time for Black folks to stop ”stepping off the sidewalk” and “getting out of the way” and to demand respect, fair treatment and equal rights from whites in Missouri.

A leader is needed who’ll tell it like it is and confront the issues that are holding race relations in the state of Missouri hostage.

Black people here are living and working as if it is still the 1950s and Jim Crow is alive and well. The only place it’s okay to sit up front is on the bus or the MetroLink and only in a seat by yourself, because a white person will not sit next to you.

Missouri needs a governor who is not suffering from “tunnel” vision when it comes to what is really going on among both groups of his constituents. Missouri needs politicians who are aware and not afraid to confront and speak about what is holding this state and its’ people back from becoming an important player in the world market.

Missouri really needs to stop trying to keep the world off its’ doorstep and allow real progress to be had both in education, economics and racial equality, access to information and genuine communication. If MO wants to be a player in the world market, its’ leaders need to stop controlling “outsiders” access to creating businesses and come up with a plan to properly educate all  of its’ citizens.

MO needs a leader that is willing to welcome business ventures from outside the state that would help the state to grow and truly enter the 21st century global market.  It needs to have leaders who are non-exclusive in who they will deal with or communicate with in this current global environment.

When will MO become “the state that’s too busy to hate”

and invite the world to its’ front door?


on being afraid and the end of white privilege

July 5, 2014
Leave a Comment

Most black people I’ve met here in STL are afraid. Living here makes black people afraid to live, to learn, to be good to each other or to leave. I’m not afraid and that makes me suspect and feared. I am suspect because I am not susceptible to the spirit-numbing, soul-robbing, mind-game-playing, gaslight tactics people do to each other here in the state of Missouri.

Two different jobs, I had supervisors tell me I should go work someplace else. One of them actually got me fired from my job because he couldn’t obfuscate me into being someone I didn’t want to be. The other one, instead of talking to me like an adult, kept threatening to write me up, insisting that I didn’t belong on “her” team. She ultimately had to give me a review (written by someone else) that probably made her want to gag, because I didn’t do what she was trying to mind-fuck me into doing. The only reason I’m still at my job is because I was able to transfer away before she was able to come up with a trumped-up cause to fire me.

But, back to my task at hand: black people I have met here and became friends with have all said the same thing, “they are afraid to go anywhere that they don’t already know someone.” They worry that if they don’t know someone in a different city, they run the risk of being hurt, robbed or worse. For some reason, these folks here believe the rest of the world “is out to get them” if they venture past the borders of the state of Missouri.

I stopped being friends with two women because they were afraid. I invited both of them to celebrate birthdays in Las Vegas and both of them wanted to know why I wanted to leave STL to have a birthday party. Neither of them wanted to leave the city because they were afraid.

It took me a while to figure out what was really going on.

I’m not from STL, so I’m not susceptible to the fearfulness that has been fed black folks here from the cradle to the grave. It’s why the city school system is unaccredited and why at least four generations of blacks (and some whites) here are ill-spoken, illiterate. humiliated and afraid, even the ones who consider themselves middle and upper-class. There are several generations of black folks who are cut-out, left-out, shut-out, locked-out, locked up and put-out. The young people, as in every revolutionary generation, have risen up and are demanding an end to the status quo of “white privilege”.

STL Blacks carry on with a lot of uncle tom, handkerchief-head, shuck and jive performing and will turn on each other in a heartbeat, especially if they think it will curry favor with the folks they think are running things here. They don’t think for themselves because they believe doing so will get them in trouble. Every question begins with “what would the white folks do?” Blacks here won’t think for themselves and they can’t take care of each other because of this.

It may have taken the Michael Brown shooting in August to start the STL revolution. It is now the beginning of the end of “white privilege” with the several shootings of black men in the last 2.5 months. Unfortunately, it also means that innocents will be victimized until the situation is changed.

None of the people I deal with, including my closest friend, have a clue on how to present themselves as equals. The one thing I’ve noticed is that white people here, if they can’t get you to defer to, obey them or step aside, they will either ignore what you say and do or they will do everything they can to ostracize you or even race you up the sidewalk to get in the front door of the closest grocery store first. None of them know how to talk to or behave with a black person who is well- or better-educated and speaks good English. Their belief system is that we are dirty, stupid animals and incapable of behaving in a civilized manner and uplift ourselves from a state of poverty and ignorance.

It is really great that Reverend Al, Brother Jesse, Martin Jr, Father Dick and Dr. Cornell have come to town to help folks stand up for themselves. Even though they are on the right track with the non-violent pop-up protests, none of them have come up with the right speech or the right phrase to set this town on proverbial “fire”! None of them have seen what is really going on in STL!!

From my point of view, it appears that all of the police departments in the metro area have signed on to maintain the current culture of “white privilege.” A culture that is designed to keep people of colour “in their place” and maintaining a way of life where non-whites aren’t allowed to fully participate in the economic and educational riches of this region. Blacks and whites here don’t like each other, because both groups have been fed with mother’s milk not to like or to talk to each other in any meaningful way.

“White privilege” is so well entrenched in the MO culture that no one seems to realize this is the crux of the unrest. It is the reason that so much misinformation in the Michael Brown case has been released, which is designed to discredit the current protests and demands being made. This is also the reason for the violence-prone “renegade demonstrations” that pop up from time to time at high-visibility venues like the Dome, Busch and SLU.

The entrenched “privilege” regime is afraid and trying to wait until the depths of winter, to release the non-indictment of officer Darren Wilson, hoping it will postpone a riot such as the ones in LA in the early-90s with the Rodney King police beating verdict.

It’s more like “Forsyth Stays White!”, the cry that was heard in late 1987 in Georgia. There is a concerted effort to keep the white privilege power base in STL metro intact, but without the overt racism that got Cumming, GA in so much trouble.

Blacks and whites here see each other as the “enemy”, not as someone to share economic wealth, educational opportunities, governmental and political equality with.

It is time for an end to “white privilege” in metro STL…

 

 


black history redux!

March 3, 2014
Leave a Comment

back o my headMany thanks to Shukree Hassan Tilghman, a 29-year-old African-American filmmaker, who goes on a cross-country campaign to end Black History Month, for inspiring me to go on this journey with him. http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/more-than-a-month/

follow this blog,  (or until I get bored), you will see stories and information, past and present, pertaining solely to black people and their many accomplishments and contributions to modern society.

Nate Robinson is not the first non-tall professional basketball player to win a slam-dunk contest. It is Spud Webb, who played for the Atlanta Hawks. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spud_Webb

Ralph Ellison wrote a scathing novel “Invisible Man” in 1952. http://www.biography.com/people/ralph-ellison-9286702 that, while not “21st century” material, it speaks much about the current condition of black men in STL.

bell hooks, born in Hopkinsville, Kentucky, wrote “Ain’t I a Woman?: Black Women and Feminism“. In a class with Angela Davis, I consider bell to be a premier black feminist writer with an honest opinion about black women and feminism, which, in my opinion has not been thoroughly visited by black women, especially here in STL. Unfortunately, there are still human beings who believe their only value is in how many babies they can make, how much money they can get for making babies and which man they can trick into marrying them for said babies and the “lifestyle” improvement that comes with making said babies for said man married to him or not.

and then there’s the STL homeless situationhttp://www.stlmag.com/St-Louis-Magazine/January-2014/No-shelter/, an article on the perspective of one man fighting a fight that may not be winnable, simply because these people are either too beaten down or too lazy to do or be otherwise. the problem may, in itself, be self-perpetuating also because of one man.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octavia_E._Butler — this country’s first black female science fiction writer. all who follow, stand in her shadow.

 


Next Page »