lastcivilizedwoman

10 questions to ask a man…

May 23, 2017
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  1. are you selfish?
  2. do you think all women are bitches and whores?
  3. are you afraid? (of people, traveling, trying new stuff?)
  4. do you know how to share?
  5. do you know how to laugh?
  6. are you easy to talk to?
  7. are you a good listener?
  8. how do you feel about PDAs?
  9. are you a cheapskate or stingy (see selfish)?
  10. do you know when to just be there?

Bonus question:  are you gullible? (if he doesn’t know what “gullible means”, run!) if you don’t know what “gullible” means, go look it up, dammit!  and stop being gullible!


This is my skin color and I’m sticking to it…

September 12, 2016
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this-is-my-skin-color This is my skin color. Because of this color, people try to inflict sufferings and afflictions of outrageous nature that take the form of every begging asshole within a 5-block radius coming up to me, asking me if I want to buy a ticket, a bus pass, some water, some pills, get cheated at 3-card monte or how about I help a brother out with some change, bitch?. Coming home on the light rail one evening, there was even a woman selling children’s clothing.  Looked as if the stuff was looted from some store in Ferguson.

The cops are never around when you need them.

Only time you see them is when there’s going to be a baseball, hockey or used to be football game somewhere in the vicinity of downtown or there’s a crowd of anxious citizens protesting somewhere or people are just standing around waiting to get shot.

If I was this shade of pale liter-shade-of-pale or even fairer, I could expect my commute to be fairly pleasant and uneventful (not including the day a brown-skinned human tried to get run over by the light rail train).

But, since I am this shade,this-is-my-skin-color, it appears that the people I meet seem to think (just like in the late 19th until mid-20th centuries when all black men were called “George”)  that I don’t have a name, we all look and act alike, my skin color means I don’t have feelings, can’t fall in love or pick a beautiful flower for my own enjoyment.  Being this shade, people try to make me and others this shade or darker believe that we are one step removed from a hairy ape, that the only emotion I can express is anger or murderous rage. Last time I checked, I can cry actual tears of joy and sadness, just like every one else.

Shameless plug for webmd.com about crying.

GOOGLE search Lots of pictures of crying women

The story goes like this, apparently, this this-is-my-skin-color  chick could have been a prima ballerina, a singer, a famous musician’s girlfriend/wife or a former high school football star’s main squeeze, but only if she had been liter-shade-of-pale , even though this chick sat with this liter-shade-of-pale dope through quite a number of years of trials and tribulations, when this knuckle-head man needed someone to lean on and she gave him her shoulder. Apparently, not obvious to him, the feelings and emotion and understanding that went along with that shoulder. She didn’t hope for happily ever after and didn’t get it. He chose someone liter-shade-of-pale and told this-is-my-skin-color chick they would never be anything more than friends.  Really? I held her hand and told her to walk away and not look back! I wished I could come up with a plan to embarrass this liter-shade-of-pale fool and expose him for the selfish, manipulative, narcissistic son of a bitch he really is.

Oh well, moving on!

All things being what they are, being this shade this-is-my-skin-color  has taught me not to hang on to stupidity, make my way elsewhere and keep fighting this battle for my color, my life. Keep working toward getting the pale set to understand that I am just as human and emotionally expressive as they are, coloration be damned.

The lesson? Don’t chase after any this-is-my-skin-color or liter-shade-of-pale person who is no longer interested in you in any way, shape or fashion. Use your brain and voice to confront  people who say things such as “we’ll get along just fine because you do what you’re told” with a slight sneer and no eye contact.  I beg your pardon! We’re going to have to retract that comment!

Being this-is-my-skin-color, has absolutely nothing to do with the way my brain and personality work.  It has nothing to do with my ability to hold a rational conversation or think coherent thoughts. I was brought up in a city that was very unique in its’ time. I was brought up in a place where I was never told I couldn’t do something because of my this-is-my-skin-color . Matter of fact, it was mandatory that this not stop me from learning. There were no excuses that were sufficient for me to be a “slacker”.

Being this shade this-is-my-skin-color or that shade liter-shade-of-pale has absolutely nothing to do with any person’s ability to learn, adapt, thrive and explore and love.

Disparaging, disrespecting or putting down a person because of their skin color is wrong! It’s racism, pure and simple!

Kevin Hart, take note! I’ve stopped going to any of your movies, buying your albums or watching you on Netflix until you change your racist attitude toward brown skin women.

 

 


No dead humans and a Superman…

August 27, 2016
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August 25, 2016:

Going home as usual, not really concerned with my environment, but somewhere mentally always monitoring my surroundings while waiting for the Metrolink train to take me to the building I live in.  Too much time went by and the usually punctual train was not in evidence.

A lone security officer was walking up and down the eastbound platform and I heard a burst of sound from her radio saying something about a person wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans in the area, not realizing what was about to happen.

Next, the officer is asking us to please move to the opposite platform to catch the eastbound train. As I cross over, I can see further down there’s a human sitting in between the eastbound railroad tracks.

20160825_190603 Before the train appeared, the human moved just to the left outside rail and then we saw the train rolling slowly up the westbound side.20160825_190610

The human saw this also and got up to move into the train’s path, again lying down. When the human moved, it appeared to be a female.

20160825_190640

The woman you see on the right began to scream very unkind things about her finding someplace else to go and kill herself so she could go home, undoubtedly out of some misguided reverse psychology, which could have had the exact opposite effect.  I began to pray that the lady would move on her own, having a full understanding of what that kind of despair feels like.

You try to live your life in a way that’s beneficial and unselfish, but the rug gets pulled out from under you in ways you don’t expect; losing a job, a spouse, a child, a parent, a pet, a limb or something or someone you think you can’t possibly live without.

I understand this kind of despair. This kind of loss unfortunately, had the effect of teaching me not to become over-emotionally involved with another human to the point of despair ever again.

You know that old saying: “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.

Only problem with this is you have to recover from that loss and there are those of us out here who may not be able to recover. Hence the lady sitting on the train tracks. For her, it was a cry for help, that maybe someone actually answered.

The picture you don’t see is the man who walked down that eastbound platform and coaxed the despairing woman away from the train’s path. He stood with her and held her as we all boarded the train and moved out of this sad woman’s life.

My wish is that he took care of her and talked to her and helped her to get help and not despair. Not screaming at or belittling her like the woman in the picture did.

No one gets to try to take my life from me like that ever again.

And then, this guy showed up:20160825_192027_resized

Superman actually got on the eastbound Metrolink and chatted up the passengers, even though, like the proverbial Calvary, he was too late to do any good!

But maybe, there’s hope for us yet!


what civil rights?

July 10, 2016
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US Constitution: The Fifth Amendment says to the federal government that no one shall be “deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law.”

US Constitution: The Fourteenth Amendment “limits the actions of all state and local officials, including those acting on behalf of such an official.”

The US Bill of Rights, Article 6 states: “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures.” Article 7 states “…nor [shall any person] be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law…”

Anybody know any good constitutional/civil rights attorneys interested in taking on local police stations? Pick a state, any state…

Maybe we need to add a 28th Amendment saying cops are not allowed to use guns to deprive a [Black] human being of life unless that [black] human is actually shooting at them. A person with a gun stuck in their waistband or a toy replica is not grounds for depriving a human of life.

A human being should not be deprived of medical care while in the custody and control of a police or peace officer.

 

 


hate speech 101

June 26, 2016
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hate speech is any speech, gesture or conduct, writing, or display which is forbidden because it incites violence or prejudicial action against or by a protected individual or group, or because it disparages or intimidates a [particular] individual or group.”

any time the donald stands up in front of a crowd and cameras, he is practicing “hate speech”. nowadays, people hide hate speech in dog whistle rhetoric, pretending concern over the current state of affairs vis-a-vis “the immigrant situation”, “the crime situation” or “the muslim situation” . it’s all cleverly hidden rhetoric for the same tone, language and attitudes that many whites had when I was growing up as a child. “the only good ni-word is a dead n-word”, except now, it takes 20 words to say the same thing the previous 8 words say. if you notice, these words are coming out of the mouth of a human who thinks his money makes him invulnerable to consequences. if anyone complains, his lawyers get together and throw money at the problem until it goes away. trump gets the bill and that’s all he gets.

if you thought reagan and bush were bad, wait’ll you get a load of “the donald”. bend over and kiss this country good-bye.

this probably means we need to now add immigrants, gays and muslims to the “protected” category in the 1st amendment.


Dr. King is Dead…

February 7, 2016
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mlk statue

“out of a mountain of despair, a stone of hope”

and something very strange is going on…

Black people are being judged by the color of their skin…

not the content of their character…

It’s why so many black people are being murdered…

and all of us are targets in this 21st century…

 

 

 

 

 

who’s going to save us now?

in prison

 

 


it’s black history month in STL…

February 7, 2016
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Sister_Slave

Because I’m brown-skinned, people keep insisting that I’m uneducated, unemotional and inarticulate. The reality is most likely I’m better educated, more caring and articulate than pretty much everyone I’ve run into.

This same problem exists among my own people. The fair-skinned people make the same assumptions that the white people do and my own people, fair-skinned, my hue and darker assume that the only thing I’m good for is to be passed around like so much dead meat. For the most part, all of them ignore me, until I get angry, not because I’m a black woman (and stereotypically angry), but because I’ve figured out I’m being ignored. I consider this to be very insulting.

The women suspect me because I don’t have children. The men suspect me because I don’t have children.

The women don’t know how to be gracious and welcoming and the men don’t know how to be kind and considerate.

Too many people want to stick their head in the sand and keep it there. Too many are afraid to break away and do something different.

Despite my appearance, I very much have feelings and desire to be listened to, loved and cared for just like anyone else. I also don’t want to have to “fit in” in order to be accepted.

What’s pissing me off is that most of the people I’ve run into here in STL behave this way and none of them have an understanding of how narrow-minded, racist and bigoted this is. Pretty sad state of affairs.

in prison


is the nigger inside…

January 2, 2016
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SERIOUSLYWhat is a nigger? It’s certainly not me because I wasn’t brought up to think of myself that way, nor do I think anyone else is either.

For  the past 20-plus years I’ve lived in STL, I didn’t pay much attention to people’s behavior or thinking.  I did wonder from time to time why white people seemed to stare or be rude or careless or tried to race-walk me up or down stairs or to front doors of places I wanted to enter. There was also this attitude of not listening whenever I had an opinion about a topic of conversation. As if nothing I could say would be of any importance.

It took me that long to realize that the reason they behaved that way was because they were mentally calling me names!  Specifically, the word “nigger” and because they thought that way, I was expected to act that way.

Luckily, where I was born, raised, and lived, no one ever taught me to think of myself that way or to think of anyone else that way. “Nigger” and all its’ variations were words that was never heard in my home. That’s why it took me so long to figure this out.  The closest I ever came to be called a nigger was when this very nice southern lady in Atlanta, GA, called me a “colored gal”. I never spoke to her again.

The other problem is all black people have a nasty habit of thinking of themselves as “niggers” in a group think mentality. They think it when they see other black people and talk to each other in the same way they think. A fellow “nigger”.

White people think of black people as “niggers” and this thinking comes out in the way they behave toward people of color.

The best example I can use is when a white person thinks a black person is “out of place” as determined by the expression on the white person’s face or closed body language when this happens. In my world, this happens when I speak to a white person in what I think is a normal manner to do something or need something and he or she reacts in a “how dare you” manner. It’s very subtle and hard to catch if you don’t know what to look for.

the second someone thinks “nigger”, it starts oozing out of their pores. It appears in that person’s expression, their body language and the tone of their conversation.

Black folks also have a nasty habit of thinking this way. It always appears when there are two or more black people working together. The best example of this is when one black person trains another and one or both of them, spend way too much time trying to one-up each other instead of spending the time to get to know one another and learn. I see this at my job all the time and again, it took me a long time to figure out why there seemed to be this weird dynamic that would happen each time I tried to engage with my black coworkers. I even had a black coworker try to bad-mouth me to our supervisor for something that one other person I work with was doing the same thing I tried to teach my coworker to do. The other person was a white female.

This is a behavior that desperately needs to be “unlearned”!!

It’s a form of lynching and the only purpose it serves is to perpetuate divisiveness. Someone is always trying to get over by climbing over on someone else’s back/talents. After a while, you grow eyes in the back of your head and stop engaging with people you don’t know. I hate living like this!

If you judge a book by its’ cover, you’ll miss the whole story!

It’s like the line that Sidney Poitier spoke in “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” where he told his dad that he thinks of himself as a “colored” man and Sidney’s character stated he “thinks of himself as a man”.

This is the place that black people need to get to here in STL and very likely in the entire country. We have a couple of generations that are walking around feeling very left out and it may be up to us “old-heads” to grab them by the hand (or the neck) and teach them how to speak up for themselves and go for what they want without guns, drugs, or cussing…


on being michael brown jr.

November 30, 2014
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one white cop.

one young black man.

one with a gun.

one with his fists.

Darren Wilson.

Michael Brown, Jr.

 

In the shortened version of this story, the white cop did not sustain enough damage to justify killing an unarmed black man.  If he looked like Rodney King or Reginald Denny, I would be able to understand his shooting this young man to protect himself from being beaten to death. Looking at the pictures that were taken of him at “hospital”, left me shaking my head in wonder.

In the long, drawn out version told to the alleged Grand Jury, this officer feared for his life at the hands of a big, black teenager. There’s a possibility that this young man generally used his substantial size to bully and coerce others into doing his bidding. His parents said he was a gentle giant, but the video of him picking on the smaller adult in the store he took the cigarillos from, you can extrapolate that this young man did know he was big and burly and could get what he wanted by using his size to do so.

By the way, the cop was well-coached by his lawyers. He had to tell his story as straight-faced, unemotional and neutral-voiced as possible in order to be credible, even if he was lying through his teeth.

In the next version (mine), you have to wonder if the white cop was thinking with his primal brain when he kept pulling the trigger because Brown Jr. just wouldn’t stop coming and Wilson knew that if he just kept shooting, he could make this big-ass bear-child stop walking towards him with murder in his eyes. In my version, the question arises “was Wilson afraid or was he playing target practice with this young man?” In my version, I would also include the question of why Wilson couldn’t take a couple of punches from this unarmed black man and if he did take  couple of punches, why isn’t he walking around with at least one black eye, some knuckle-shaped purple-black bruises, a broken or dislocated jaw or a thoroughly damaged ear? If he was afraid for his life, does that mean that the slaps he probably got from Brown did, at least, dislocate his jaw? To me, that much damage might justify this officer shooting this unarmed black man to death.

The pictures I’ve seen of Wilson, there’s not enough facial damage done to warrant shooting Brown to death. The grand jury should have found probable cause to indict, based on the evidence. There should also be questions as to why Wilson was “walking” shots up this young man’s body. Was it target-practice? A well-placed couple of shots to the knees or femur would have gone a long way towards putting this young man down and preserving his life, extra “witnesses” be damned.

The question this so-called Grand Jury didn’t ask: why didn’t Wilson shoot to disable (a knee cap, femur or ankle) instead of taking the life? Was he thinking with his primal brain (kill the threat/or run like hell) or with his logical brain (play target practice on the n-word and make him suffer).

It appears to me that cops are no longer attempting to disable or maim, they are killing young black men, even if the circumstances don’t warrant it. They are not being trained to recognize when the primal brain is trying to take over to end a confrontation at all costs, instead of the logical brain which would calculate where to put a bullet to stop or slow further mayhem from happening. I would rather see an alive human being, missing an arm or leg rather than see a human being lying in the street unarmed and dead.

Some time in the not too-distant future, we’re going to find out that the 3 black jurors probably caved in to the 9 white jurors. Blacks here in MO are notoriously afraid of white people for absolutely no good reason. The blacks here keep giving whites some sort of power over what they say and do and always seem to be acquiescing to them, even to the detriment of their own opinions, ideas and lifestyles.

I think it’s way past time for black people to “stand their ground” and demand to be treated and given the same privileges as the white people in Missouri currently enjoy. There is economic opportunity everywhere in this state if everyone would realize the only color that matters is the color of your money.

It’s time for Black folks to stop ”stepping off the sidewalk” and “getting out of the way” and to demand respect, fair treatment and equal rights from whites in Missouri.

A leader is needed who’ll tell it like it is and confront the issues that are holding race relations in the state of Missouri hostage.

Black people here are living and working as if it is still the 1950s and Jim Crow is alive and well. The only place it’s okay to sit up front is on the bus or the MetroLink and only in a seat by yourself, because a white person will not sit next to you.

Missouri needs a governor who is not suffering from “tunnel” vision when it comes to what is really going on among both groups of his constituents. Missouri needs politicians who are aware and not afraid to confront and speak about what is holding this state and its’ people back from becoming an important player in the world market.

Missouri really needs to stop trying to keep the world off its’ doorstep and allow real progress to be had both in education, economics and racial equality, access to information and genuine communication. If MO wants to be a player in the world market, its’ leaders need to stop controlling “outsiders” access to creating businesses and come up with a plan to properly educate all  of its’ citizens.

MO needs a leader that is willing to welcome business ventures from outside the state that would help the state to grow and truly enter the 21st century global market.  It needs to have leaders who are non-exclusive in who they will deal with or communicate with in this current global environment.

When will MO become “the state that’s too busy to hate”

and invite the world to its’ front door?


on being afraid and the end of white privilege

July 5, 2014
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Most black people I’ve met here in STL are afraid. Living here makes black people afraid to live, to learn, to be good to each other or to leave. I’m not afraid and that makes me suspect and feared. I am suspect because I am not susceptible to the spirit-numbing, soul-robbing, mind-game-playing, gaslight tactics people do to each other here in the state of Missouri.

Two different jobs, I had supervisors tell me I should go work someplace else. One of them actually got me fired from my job because he couldn’t obfuscate me into being someone I didn’t want to be. The other one, instead of talking to me like an adult, kept threatening to write me up, insisting that I didn’t belong on “her” team. She ultimately had to give me a review (written by someone else) that probably made her want to gag, because I didn’t do what she was trying to mind-fuck me into doing. The only reason I’m still at my job is because I was able to transfer away before she was able to come up with a trumped-up cause to fire me.

But, back to my task at hand: black people I have met here and became friends with have all said the same thing, “they are afraid to go anywhere that they don’t already know someone.” They worry that if they don’t know someone in a different city, they run the risk of being hurt, robbed or worse. For some reason, these folks here believe the rest of the world “is out to get them” if they venture past the borders of the state of Missouri.

I stopped being friends with two women because they were afraid. I invited both of them to celebrate birthdays in Las Vegas and both of them wanted to know why I wanted to leave STL to have a birthday party. Neither of them wanted to leave the city because they were afraid.

It took me a while to figure out what was really going on.

I’m not from STL, so I’m not susceptible to the fearfulness that has been fed black folks here from the cradle to the grave. It’s why the city school system is unaccredited and why at least four generations of blacks (and some whites) here are ill-spoken, illiterate. humiliated and afraid, even the ones who consider themselves middle and upper-class. There are several generations of black folks who are cut-out, left-out, shut-out, locked-out, locked up and put-out. The young people, as in every revolutionary generation, have risen up and are demanding an end to the status quo of “white privilege”.

STL Blacks carry on with a lot of uncle tom, handkerchief-head, shuck and jive performing and will turn on each other in a heartbeat, especially if they think it will curry favor with the folks they think are running things here. They don’t think for themselves because they believe doing so will get them in trouble. Every question begins with “what would the white folks do?” Blacks here won’t think for themselves and they can’t take care of each other because of this.

It may have taken the Michael Brown shooting in August to start the STL revolution. It is now the beginning of the end of “white privilege” with the several shootings of black men in the last 2.5 months. Unfortunately, it also means that innocents will be victimized until the situation is changed.

None of the people I deal with, including my closest friend, have a clue on how to present themselves as equals. The one thing I’ve noticed is that white people here, if they can’t get you to defer to, obey them or step aside, they will either ignore what you say and do or they will do everything they can to ostracize you or even race you up the sidewalk to get in the front door of the closest grocery store first. None of them know how to talk to or behave with a black person who is well- or better-educated and speaks good English. Their belief system is that we are dirty, stupid animals and incapable of behaving in a civilized manner and uplift ourselves from a state of poverty and ignorance.

It is really great that Reverend Al, Brother Jesse, Martin Jr, Father Dick and Dr. Cornell have come to town to help folks stand up for themselves. Even though they are on the right track with the non-violent pop-up protests, none of them have come up with the right speech or the right phrase to set this town on proverbial “fire”! None of them have seen what is really going on in STL!!

From my point of view, it appears that all of the police departments in the metro area have signed on to maintain the current culture of “white privilege.” A culture that is designed to keep people of colour “in their place” and maintaining a way of life where non-whites aren’t allowed to fully participate in the economic and educational riches of this region. Blacks and whites here don’t like each other, because both groups have been fed with mother’s milk not to like or to talk to each other in any meaningful way.

“White privilege” is so well entrenched in the MO culture that no one seems to realize this is the crux of the unrest. It is the reason that so much misinformation in the Michael Brown case has been released, which is designed to discredit the current protests and demands being made. This is also the reason for the violence-prone “renegade demonstrations” that pop up from time to time at high-visibility venues like the Dome, Busch and SLU.

The entrenched “privilege” regime is afraid and trying to wait until the depths of winter, to release the non-indictment of officer Darren Wilson, hoping it will postpone a riot such as the ones in LA in the early-90s with the Rodney King police beating verdict.

It’s more like “Forsyth Stays White!”, the cry that was heard in late 1987 in Georgia. There is a concerted effort to keep the white privilege power base in STL metro intact, but without the overt racism that got Cumming, GA in so much trouble.

Blacks and whites here see each other as the “enemy”, not as someone to share economic wealth, educational opportunities, governmental and political equality with.

It is time for an end to “white privilege” in metro STL…

 

 


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