Burns hot and fast

March 10, 2013
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movies and TV teaches us how to have grand passions and lofty goals and massive dreams and flaming love. TV doesn’t show us how to just be ourselves with each other and relax in our own skins. It doesn’t allow us to be comfortable with each other and let passion be a simmer and not a roar. It teaches that love is an all-consuming inferno, burns hard and fast and then dies of boredom, instead of letting it take us on journeys of discovery of life together.

Even some of the books we read don’t teach moderation; of how to spend a quiet time, not gazing soulfully into each other’s eyes, but just letting the silence between envelope, caress and bind us, not in chaos and drama, but in soft, quiet joy and small conversations. We’re afraid to relax, because everything around us tells us we must go go go! It tells us to demand, not ask or counsel; to require, not negotiate. We don’t counsel; we criticize or correct. We cajole instead of caress.

Men and women spend their entire lives chasing each other around, not wanting to ‘die alone’, which is a dumb concept. No one can “die” with someone, even if they kill themselves at the same time. We die in our own skin, if we are lucky, surrounded by people who want our passing to be peaceful and joyous, in the midst of “leaving this world”.

We don’t tell each other our secrets and desires, we tell each other stories, not about the real us, but what we think the other person wants to hear.

If you are looking for a life partner, that person should be someone who wants to HELP. It is not someone who tells you you’re supposed to take care of them. Your life partner should be someone who wants to work with you to achieve your separate and common goals and dreams. You don’t grow apart, you always grow together and support each other through bad and good times.

It’s not about how much money and things you can give to keep that person with you or what you can get from someone because you’re too lazy to stand on your own two feet.

Be your own person and bring your best to your relationships and expect the other person to do the same.


STL — some catching up to do

March 10, 2013
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St. Louis is a Mecca for every racist known to man. They come here from different cities and countries and no matter how enlightened one may be, everyone who comes here will believe that a black person is inferior just because of the color of their skin.

Never mind that if you are a black person who is well educated, literate and articulate, at some point in your career in this city, you will be forced to endure treatment as a second-class citizen.

You’ll be disrespected by Caucasians, Native Americans, east Asians, regular Asians,  Polish, Irish, Italians and anyone else who comes to or lives in STL. There’s also a good possibility that someone Black will do the same thing.

They all come here or were born here and they all eventually absorb the erroneous assumption that a black person is inferior.

They use a word like “arrogant” in place of the N-word in order to denigrate and insult.

In the workplace, the racists hide and pretend to follow “company policy” to treat each other with respect and courtesy, but at some point, the prejudice comes oozing out, usually in the form of one of these folks trying to put the black person “in his or her place”.

It shows up in the form of constant criticism about performance, belittlement of one’s talent and skill, a constant questioning of ability and most of all, being ignored whenever a suggestion is made to do something better or in a different way.

You cannot attempt to keep an entire group of people face down in the dirt and expect a city to prosper.

Atlanta, GA learned that lesson a long time ago. It calls itself “the city that’s too busy to hate.”

St. Louis has a lot of catching up to do. They have forgotten to invite everyone to the table.